A man of Colombian descent has made his way onto the list of quirky fringe candidates that grace the list of U.S. presidential contenders every four years.
This year Fabio Correa, who changed his name to Moshe Muhammad Al-Faraj Eesho Thezion for his application, has entered the race and brought with him a new message and campaign style.
According to Correa, he never smiles while on the campaign trail.
“I don’t like having my picture taken, and I dont ‘feel’ like smiling for pictures, but I may do so, as part of my honest effort to help my fellow humankind, and not let personal weakness or frailty prevent my efforts. And since I run for office to fix the wrongness of our government and its many entrenched problems, I see no honest reason to smile, since the reason I am running for office, is because those in government today piss me off,” the candidate said on his website.
Correa’s no-nonsense attitude would maybe gain him votes with the American public were it not for his campaign platform which includes provisions to reorganize the banking system, abolish the Internal Revenue Service, and most importantly, militarize space to prevent an alien attack.
The candidate’s website does not do himself any favors either. Not only is it flooded with grammatical errors, it also documents Correa’s sexual exploits and criminal violations which include car theft and excessive drug use. In a section describing Correa’s poor decision making skills as a youth, Correa writes that “all too often [I was] in the habit of listening to my personal devil, and when I turned to my personal angel for a difference of opinion, more often than not, my angel was stoned out of his mind.”
"When I was born, my parents, immigrants from Colombia, had not chosen a
name for me as yet, and having no choice my mother gave my fathers
middle name, and so they put Fabio Correa on my birth certificate, and
then, five minutes later, my father showed up and I was renamed Luis
Edwardo Correa, because my Grandmother told everyone in the family, that
my name would be Luis, but they never fixed the birth certificate, and
yet somehow got all my records as Luis, including Social Security, which
while supposedly impossible was somehow done without changing the birth
certificate, meaning I have two legal identities. And learning this as a
teenager, it caused an identity crisis, and then, a Jewish Girlfriend's
mother, who did not like the fact that I was not Jewish, insisted that
my name was Moshe, and called me Moshe everyday, and always asked,
"Where is Moshe" and if asked, she would insist that my name was not Luis,
but was instead, Moshe, and eventually it grew on me, and I eventually
adopted it, as Mosheh (sounds better) as a third name, to solve for my
lack of clear identity."
With barely more than seven months until the election, Correa’s chances do not look promising.