Colombia saw some pretty tumultuous events in 2011, from guerrilla attacks to corruption cases and student protests, yet Colombia Reports’ 10 most read articles of the year were dominated by pop, porn and beauty queens.
#1 – MISS COLOMBIA CAUGHT WITHOUT PANTIES
The most read article of the entire year was of Miss Colombia Catalina Robayo going commando during a Miss Universe event. A photo of the “shameless” exposure of Robayo’s private parts was snatched up by the media and received massive attention in the press world wide. Who wants to hear about human rights abuses and guerrilla insurgencies when you can have a peek at the holiest of holy of one of the world’s most beautiful women?
#2 – SOCCER MASCOT OWL DIES AFTER FATAL KICK
A soccer match would most likely not be the scene of an animal abuse crime; however, Pereira player Luis Moreno didn’t give two hoots about booting Barranquilla’s mascot owl three yards into the air after it landed on the field. Amid chants of “Murderer!” from the crowd and overall public hatred against his actions, Moreno declared himself the moral victor by saying, “I did it to see if the owl could fly” and became the most hated player in the history of Colombian soccer.
#3 – MISS COLOMBIA SCOLDED FOR GOING COMMANDO
As if going commando and having her downstairs photographed by international media wasn’t enough to make her crotchety, Miss Colombia Catalina Robayo’s inherent refusal to don interior attire resulted in serious backlash, which tainted her reputation with the Miss Universe Organization, but prolonged massive curiosity in fans worldwide.
#4 – FRIENDS BRING MURDERED TEEN’S COFFIN TO SOCCER MATCH
By far the most bizarre event this year occurred when fans brought the body of their murdered teenage friend to a soccer match. Apparently, the deceased’s friends from the fan group “Barra del Indio” stole the corpse and coffin of Christopher Jacome from the funeral home and paraded it into the stadium as a way of paying homage to their fallen brother. “They don’t let in the fanatics but they do let in a corpse. This is the only part of the world where this has happened,” said a soccer club medic.
#5 – SHAKIRA AND PIQUE CAUGHT ‘MAKING OUT’
Colombia’s most famous pop star Shakira locked labials with Spanish soccer player Gerard Pique at a restaurant in Spain. The two were spotted “putting their tongues in each other’s mouths,” and this fluidal exchange between two celebrities was enough to make this story the fifth most read of the year. Really?
#6 – PORN DIRECTOR WHO EXPLOITED COLOMBIAN CHILDREN ARRESTED IN SPAIN
One of the more serious stories on the list is the arrest of Spanish porn director Pablo Lapiedra for running an underage prostitution ring and exploiting a 16-year old Colombian girl in a pornographic film. The film was uploaded to a website where it could be viewed for up to $100. The Spaniard shamelessly falsified documents to make the girls appear older and made them work long hours, but Lapiedra is spending even longer hours in his new place of lodging.
#7 – SHAKIRA AND PIQUE SNAPPED HOLDING HANDS
These two again? Colombia Reports takes pride in its journalistic integrity, and that is why we are very proud to announce that the Shakira and Pique holding hands article was a tremendous success. The story? The couple were in Barcelona. They held hands. Somebody took a picture. Solid gold.
#8 – SAUDI ARABIA ARRESTS COLOMBIAN SOCCER PLAYER OVER RELIGIOUS TATTOOS
Juan Pablo Pino was arrested by Saudi moral police for displaying his religious tatoos, including one of Jesus at a mall in Riyadh. According to “Sharia” (Islamic law), tattoos must be covered at all times, so Pino would have to bare the responsibility of not being allowed to show his own skin in public. The story sparked a lot of moral debate between Christians and Atheists and was covered by all the major networks.
#9 – COLOMBIAN PORN STAR LUPE FUENTES FACES DEPORTATION
Lupe Fuentes, Colombian porn star and wife of director Pablo Lapiedra, faced deportation from her adopted home in the states to Colombia over the same charges as her husband — recruiting minors into porn flicks. The odd couple now have a list of felonies to add to their credentials.
#10 – UFO SIGHTINGS SURGE AROUND COLOMBIAN VOLCANO
Colombia’s highest volcano, Volcan Nevada del Huila, was the scene of many UFO sightings this year. The sightings ignited the interests of locals and UFO hunters alike. UFO expert Ricardo Ayerbe said that aliens have come to the area to monitor volcanic activity with the sole “purpose of intervening to try to save the race,” apparently with a straight face.