“It will never be simple to dress an hourglass shape in an age of skinny. I mean, a normal girl will just put the dress on and leave. I need them to be like an armory. My dresses are like a work of art inside because, you know, I am 40 years old, I had a baby, and I am a 32F boob,” she told Vogue.
Thankfully the Modern Family actress can now call upon a host of big-name designers, like Vera Wang and Donna Karan, to hand stitch garments to the nearest millimetre.
“There are many designers that I cannot even fit. All the dresses that I wear for the red carpet, I have to build them inside,” explained Vergara.
The science behind tailoring should not be underestimated and Vergara claims to spend more on tweaking than on the clothing itself. Bras are of vital importance for those, like her, who do not rely on silicone implants to counter the effects of gravity.
“When [breasts] are fake, you take the bra off and they are still there, perfect! Me—no, so I have to bring them up! I have to build the dresses up to here so that the bras—ach, it’s a whole, der—ugh—tchah!” the actress bemoaned.
Vogue writer, Vicki Woods, gushed over the Barranquilla beauty’s “fabulously teensy little waist” and backed up Vergara’s wise clothing advice, suggesting readers “keep a tailor instead of a pet.”