Prominent Democratic politicians threaten to challenge the results of Tuesday’s midterm election, claiming their constituency was illegally impeded to vote by Colombian black magic.
According to Democratic House candidate Ann Kuster, who lost to Republican Charlie Bass in New Hampshire, her campaign team received “thousands” of phone calls of Democratic voters whose cars wouldn’t start or mysteriously broke down when trying to make it to the polling station.
Democratic Senate candidate Joe Sestak, who lost to his Republican opponent Pat Toomey by 2 percent in the state of Pennsylvania, said elevators in the capital of Harrisburg broke down massively, preventing the city’s white collar workers from voting.
Both candidates say Colombian witches, paid by their country’s intelligence agency DAS, were seen performing rituals at previous Tea Party rallies in their districts and states.
In California, where voters took part in a referendum on the legalization of marijuana, Democratic activists say they found a hemp-made voodoo doll with a picture of President Barack Obama pinned on it. The anonymous activists blame witches from Colombia “or some other Caribbean banana republic” of electoral fraud and handed the hemp doll over to local law enforcement officials.
Soon-to-be-former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said that in more than 50 districts there are suspected cases of voter manipulation through witchcraft and announced she would challenge Republican victories in dozens of districts before electoral authorities.
Previous to the election, Colombia’s ambassador to Washington Gabriel Silva admitted to using indigenous witchcraft rituals as a Republican victory was considered Colombia’s “only hope there will be a U.S. Congress actually ratifying our free trade agreement.”