Colombia’s inspector general appointed 266 errand boys, coffee ladies and cleaners to occupy Congress after the arrest of the country’s last remaining congressman for ties to paramilitary groups.
Inspector General Alejandro Ordoñez, in charge of the administrative control of congress, “took the executive decision” to appoint the congressional employees “to avoid further hassle with elections” and “after consulting with the competent authorities,” meaning God.
God’s ruling, infallible in Ordoñez opinion, will not affect the quality and strength of Colombia’s legislative branch, said the inspector general.
“These boys and girls are no less intelligent than the average lawmaker,” Ordoñez said.
The inspector general hesitantly admitted that the newly appointed lawmakers weren’t chosen by the people, “but so weren’t the others, so what’s the difference? The constitution — unlike the bible — is open to interpretation and the way I interpret it I can do whatever I want.”
According to Ordoñez, the Colombian taxpayer will support his decision once the newly appointed congressboys and girls have taken office.
“The state is saving millions of dollars in not having to organize primaries, buy votes, rig the results, etc. Additionally, the new Congressmen will continue to earn minimum wage (approximately 20 times less than democratically elected congressmen), will have to pay for their own transport (instead of spending $40 million),” explained the inspector General.
Colombian President Santos, obviously hesitant, did agree with Ordoñez plan.
“As long as the kids break the congressmen’s habit of watching porn while in session I don’t see a problem. Also. they must do as I say and not as I do. We can’t have the capitol building smelling of pot during working hours.”
Under current Colombian labor laws, the externally hired helps can be sacked each year to avoid paying social security which will further lower the cost of the legislative branch.
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