Buseta is an all-inclusive word describing the fleet of vehicles made up of dinky little buses, minivans and huge lumbering beasts that were U.S. school buses in a former life. They are all painted in bright colors, with lurid stripes or nice pictures of the Virgin Mary on the side, and the drivers often keep the cellophane wrappers on the seats like a maiden aunt who refuses to take the covers off her new sofa for fear of ruining it.
It is great to slide around on a squeaky plastic-wrapped seat with 30 other people clinging on for dear life as the driver swerves to avoid the taxi that´s just appeared in front of him. Nobody in Bogota ever sits down immediately when a seat becomes free. They always wait for a few seconds, presumably to let the seat air out a little before sitting down. Diving into a newly free seat marks you out as a total tourist.
The majority of buseta drivers seem to be aspiring to a starting
position in a Formula 1 race, careering wildly across 3 lanes of
speeding cars and taxis to screech to a halt in order to open the doors
for a swift 10 seconds to allow more passengers to pile on. From a
window seat you are ideally placed to see the beads of sweat appear on
the faces of motorbike riders who are suddenly a little too close for
comfort to two tons of garishly painted metal. Of course this spectacle
is only visible if you have the good fortune to secure a window seat, a
very rare occurrence on this glorious method of transport. Every bus
has a sign on the back window informing you that foot passengers are
not admitted, a prohibition that seems to be regarded as a quaint joke
by the drivers who pack as many wilting commuters as possible into
their vehicles.
A ride on a buseta is an essential part of
the Bogotá experience, however a word of a advice to the taller
passenger: these buses have not been built with your average European
or North American frame in mind, and most people will find it rather a
tight squeeze. If you´re over 6 foot forget it. You won´t fit in the
seat and you´ll have to sit at an angle with your legs sticking out
into the aisle, and that´s if you find a free seat. If not you´ll bang
your head incessantly off the roof as the driver negotiates the
capital´s potholed roads.
Once you reach your destination
it´s time to get off the bus. The beauty of the buseta system is the
lack of bus stops, meaning you simply ding the bell or shout to the
driver and he gently glides to a halt in front of the destination of
your choice. However things don´t always go according to plan. In the
worst case scenario, when you absolutely MUST get off, vigorously
banging on the window and shouting 'Me va a llevar a la casa de su
madre?' ('Are you going to take me to your mother´s house or what?')
will undoubltedly result in your swift ejection from the bus. Happy
travels!
